I use the five minute reply rule to avoid unnecessary fights; here's what it states.

The Five Minute Reply Rule

Reply to any conversation or text five minutes after you have received it.
This time period allows the other person to type out and send their thoughts.
It also allows them to spend time and reconsider their messages.
Replying while they are typing can be problematic.
I avoid arguments by allow people to take their time and have their say.

Reply to any conversation five minutes after you have received it.

I have been in many situations where there were doubts, confusion or communication issues over text. Replying right away led to more confusion or anxiety on the other person's end.

Now, I allow the other person to take five minutes and type a well thought out reply; this also gives me the chance to read through intensive texts carefully and form a respectful reply of my own.

Let the other person type out their thoughts.

I emphasise on the fact that not all messages require quick replies. If it's a fun and bantered conversation, sure, keep the rally going.

But if the conversation is not sunflowers and roses, you need to provide sufficient time for others to write down their thoughts.

They might reconsider the messages they send across.

Often times people say something they later regret; with text, there's visual proof of it. I love it when people can revisit what they have typed and then maybe unsend or delete it in case it feels like it violates certain boundaries.

In the meantime, I will either not open the message or I will carefully read through those messages a couple of times. This gives me enough time to think of a reply that will not hurt their feelings in return.

Replying while they are typing can be problematic.

No one loves being interrupted when they are talking; if you send a message when they are typing then it creates an unhealthy overload of reading and typing and getting more frustrated.

Make sure that the "Typing..." indicator is not visible and if it is, let them type it all out; once they are done, feel free to open the chat and reply to the texts you have received.

Avoid arguments by replying after some time has passed.

Giving charged up conversations some time and space lets you think of an honest reply you can send across. This also gives the other person some time to focus on other things in their lives and you can get back to them conveniently.

If it is a person who is constantly bombarding you with texts every minute until their fingers and ego start hurting, I am afraid I have not been of much help.

The Five Minute Reply Rule for Work

The five minute reply rule stands true for work too.

If someone has sent across a task, wait for them to add to it before you start working on it.
Make sure there's enough context and clarifications on their end.
Only after you have given them time to type should you clear your doubts and proceed with work.

Let them type the task

I love someone who is enthusiastic while working; people that reply to messages right away and start working in the blink of an eye.

But wait a few minutes here - let them type out the task via email or Slack and then have some added time for them to provide more info.

The space for context and clarifications

Employers or managers may need to get some extra context elsewhere or just need time to type out what they want from you.

Replying right off the bat with questions will affect their thinking process and getting to work right away will cause you trouble when you see the context for it is different than what you are working on.

Therefore, it makes sense to wait out and see if they are adding more context or complexities to the assigned task.

Now is the time to clear out doubts

Once five minutes are up and you see that they are not replying or typing, you can ask to clear doubts that you may have.

This may also lead to them revisiting their ideas altogether and getting back to you at another time.

On other work related issues

If you do not get well along with a colleague or if someone gets on your nerve, use your five minutes before replying to them. This will avoid any untoward or brash replies that will put you in trouble.

I used to get annoyed whenever people texted me outside my work hours for tasks that were not urgent. Since 2023, I have been taking my own time during work and on my days off to cool down and write the best professional and understandable message.

Disclaimer: there are times when my orange cat energy gets the better of me and I will break these rules, though it sometimes isn't for the best. I hope you learn something from it.

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